Blood is thicker than water

‘He is blood you don’t turn your back on family.’ Well that is all good and well if your family is the mafia which by the way comes pretty close in my case but the old blood is thicker than water doesn’t wash anymore. It use to be the family secrets were hidden behind closed doors and sealed lips. Life went on no one stepped beyond the illusion and everything stayed as it should be. There was an unwritten law don’t make waves or you will find yourself cast adrift without a life raft. Yet some of us dared to question dared to stand in our truth dared to want more. Why because something deep inside told us there was more..more to life more to loving more to giving more to being a family unit.

The old keeping up appearances for the neighbors seemed less important than stopping the rot before it spread any further down the family tree. And this is the thing to remember it isn’t only about us it is about the next generation and the next generation. If you think the family rules don’t get passed down think again. You can look back and see the patterns the wrapping may change but the messages never do.

So here is the dilemma do you rock the boat and risk getting tossed overboard? Do you stay in your designated role to keep the peace? And why do we give families so much power over our own happiness?

I love my family but I don’t have to like them don’t have to accept inappropriate behavior don’t have to give up my values to accomodate theirs. Being family doesn’t excuse you from being a compassionate human being doesn’t make you right doesn’t give you a lifetime pass to treat people disrespectfully.

Take the family part out of it and ask yourself “Would I accept this behavior from a stranger?” Probably not but then you do not risk losing someone’s love when it is a stranger you are confronting. The thing you find with dysfunctional family units is the don’t speak don’t feel don’t listen rule..bit like those three monkeys speak no evil hear no evil see not evil. We don’t talk about things because if we do I might have to look at myself and it is easier for me to believe it’s all about you. We don’t deal with our emotions because we don’t want the outside world to see inside us. We don’t acknowledge realities because then we would have to shatter illusions and lose the imaginary self we have created over the years.

People will pull out the forgiveness card the let sleeping dogs lie card the family is all you have card the blood is thicker than water card. Well here are some things you may want to consider:

1.Sometimes family comes in the form of an outstretched hand and a welcoming smile from a friend.
2.The baggage you do not unpack from your family of origin is the same baggage your children will carry around with them for the rest of their lives.
3.You only get one shot at this..God doesn’t give a next breathe guarantee think carefully about what you want to fill this moment with.
4.You can love your family but ultimately the greatest love has to be of self. If you love yourself you will ask to be treated with respect and dignity.

I don’t have the answers wish I did it would make my life easier. At least now I am not afraid to ask for more not afraid to expect more or to believe I deserve more. I know what losing the love of people close to you feels like it hurts but I also know it hurts less than living a lie.

Words are so powerful yet when you
can not find them they leave you powerless.
Words so descriptive
yet when you can not find them they
leave nothing but assumptions.
Words the cornerstone of communication,
the foundation of interaction,
the building blocks of relationships,
the cement that holds everything together.
No wonder my house has come falling down.